The Butt Ugly Weblog

Viruses you suffer from:

Linux

Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

Sci-fi

Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

Free BSD

The GPL isn't that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.

Junkfood

Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

Amiga

Gnome is better than workbench. BEOS is better than Amiga OS. The TV Modulator was a pain in the arse and an EXTERNAL power pack? I ask you. And it didn't have a built in MIDI port like some of its rivals.

BBCB

CTRL-Break, and get a real computer. Repeat: "Mode 7 was not a good thing."

8-Bit

Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

UNIX

Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.

Discordia

Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.

Windows

Try MacOS X. It's based on UNIX, it has a smoother UI than Windows and it doesn't suck. As an extra feature the boxes look nice.

vi

Escape Meta Alt Control Shift.

Politics

Stop caring!

Computer Games

Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

Conspiracy Theory

Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.

Environmentalism

Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.

Macintosh

Use a mouse with more than one button.

Viruses you might suffer from:

Pokemon (60%)

Pikachu! Use your hyper-electric-get-a-life move now!

USA (80%)

Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]

Gaming (70%)

Life is not a game. Roll 3D6. On a 4 or more go out and do something with your life.

British (60%)

No need for cure. Benign virus.

Japan (60%)

Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.

Religion (90%)

Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)

Brand Names (85%)

Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.

X11 (60%)

I hear Mac OS 10 Aqua is nice at this time of year.

Hippyism (65%)

Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

The Ugly Past